Sunday, March 10, 2013

Open Letter to Banta (Kanche Wali Botal)

Open Letter to Banta (Kanche Wali Botal):
Dear Banta,

I know it’s been a while since I last saw you. This gap was not because I didn’t miss you over the past few months when I wore five layers above my skin, including the natural coat of hair, to fight the Delhi chill. I looked for you at our meeting point, the sardarji’s general store on Shankar Road, a number of times when I went there with the excuse of buying a loaf of Harvest Gold or a packet of Maggi noodles. I went all the way to Karol Bagh, thinking that I might catch a glimpse of your sparkling self standing somewhere next to a Kolhapuri jutti and ladies’ sandal stall. I missed you; I really did.

I’m sorry to have not made a trip to Janpath or Pandit Ved Prakash’s Shikanji stall at Chandni Chowk, and I’m not going to make any excuses for failing to do so. I spotted you last week, standing spotlessly inside sardarji’s Pepsi refrigerator. Needless to say, you looked very inviting; way more than that stupid Priyanka Chopra, who was trying so hard to grab my attention with her fake smile and ugly cola bottle. I was so excited to see you again, but this feeling of guilt held me back from walking up to you and showing you that I have not changed at all. You haven’t changed either, and I assure you that even my love for you has not.

I remember how we met for the first time at Mittal General Store, where I came to grab a cola after a game of pitthu with my cousins, way back in the year 1996. I was apprehensive about approaching you at first, thinking that my mum would get very angry with me for showing interest in a stranger. She could’ve thought that you’d feed me with something that would give me stomach troubles, after robbing me of my money. Despite the fear, I couldn’t resist knowing you.

My mum could easily spot the guilt with which I walked back home that evening. And I was surprised to see that when I told her about you, she was delighted to know that I had an experience with you behind the back door of Mittal uncle’s grocery store. Her happiness knew no bounds when I told her that I got to enjoy some time with you for just four rupees. I hope you’re not taking it the wrong way. My mum often tells me how she has memories of knowing your family members from the time when she was in school. So, there’s absolutely no doubt about you being a well bred khandani item.

Y’know, my dadi has always been of the opinion that having good bhartiya sanskaar is more important than having a foreign education to boast about. And trust me when I tell you that no matter how modern she may try to act at times, she’s always wanted a fair-skinned lady for me. So don’t you ever get jealous of seeing me with Coke or Pepsi. They’re known to be a menace to family health ever since my dadi cursed them with words like “keede padein tujhpe” and the whole pesticide fiasco happened. She doesn’t trust the gori Limca or Sprite either. A heavy western influence is something that she’s feared right from the time when she stayed in a town, which is now in present day Pakistan. Also, my nani makes brilliant shikanji. You shouldn’t worry about that either, since there’s no way that my family will allow me to engage in anything that may be considered remotely incestuous.

I can’t ever put to words how much I really love you. These stick thin actresses of today starve themselves of food till they become anorexic, and then stuff their inners with rubbery-plastics to achieve what they call an “hourglass figure”. It’s a shame, really! I mean, only you could so naturally maintain the perfect hourglass body over the years. And, there’s nothing under your skin that isn’t there for the world to see. Also, did you give tips to Vidya Balan on how to look voluptuous and not be drawn into the whole “skinny is sexy” fad? I’m sure you’ll just blush and choose to not answer that. I can’t tell you how endearing that modesty truly is!

You’re not just good looking with those shapely Jolie lips, but also so beautiful inside. I know how you can never speak ill of people, and that’s exactly the reason why you’ve bundled all the negativity into one black part of your soul that no matter how much a person tries, will never be able to extract from you. That beautiful black marble! It’s astounding to know that someone can actually be so transparent. That’s exactly why I know that we’re going to last.

I’m mesmerized by the whole idea that the creator has made you so beautifully that you will never blow your top. Relationships get hard at times, and couples do get angry with each other. But being with you, I know that you know how to keep your calm and handle all difficult times with patience.

I’ve seen you sparkle with excitement every time that I pop a finger to let you open up to me. You run up to the brim just to touch my tender lips and tell me that no matter how tired I may feel after work, you will always be there to refresh me with your touch.

It’s a little unfair though that the creator gave you such a cute name that I can never come up with anything cuter for you to call you in our moments of passion.

I love you, Banta baby.

Yours forever and ever,


Image Source:


  1. :D my love for banta has come up strongly
    Amazing (y)

  2. Kya baaat!!! Just what I needed a day before exams

  3. Replies
    1. Six jalebis :O
      Rajpal, kya baat hai. Bada dildaar ho gaya :D

  4. I got to enjoy some time with you for just four rupees!

  5. Youuuu! *bows down*

    I have been wanting to read something nice and different for a while. Serves the purpose. @@@@

    1. Na na, mere bache. Meri bebe kendi ae ke kudiyan kadin sar ninaan jhukaandiyan.

      Par assi kadin jalebiyan nu te mana kar hi ni sakde :D

  6. I adore banta too.
    You're funny! Glad I came across your blog :D

    1. Arrey! I just checked out your blog too. Kya fun!
      Glad I came across your blog :D

  7. Yaade taaza kardi aapne..... banta maagi... faluda bhatura yahi kha ke bade hue hn .. ;)
    Keep it up


If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D