Friday, August 2, 2013

A Dummy's Guide to Writing a Punjabi Song

The Punjabi music industry has grown so tremendously over the past one decade that the only legit way to acknowledge its magnificence is to introduce a Four Year Undergraduate Program called Chhadeyan Punjabi Gaane Vich (translation: Bachelors in Punjabi Music) at the prestigious University of Delhi. The idea may seem ridiculous to most of you, but trust the University to implement it if it receives an application. For all those who have already graduated and are happy to have studied at the University when the course structures actually made sense, here’s a chance to do a crash course on How to Write a Punjabi Song.

*dhol-roll*

Say your own name at least 5 times

The reason why you need to do this is because people get really drunk at parties and as a Punjabi singer you want to help them claim that they’re not drunk enough to not be able to tell who the singer is. There are some anti-Punjabists who might tell you that nothing screams indulgence in self-pleasure as much as having to say your own name aloud again and again. They will tell you that it’s creepy when you say the names of two dudes in the same breath. But haters gonna hate! The reason why Jay Sean and Juggy D are so popular is because they go a step ahead and also say the name of their music producer, Rishi Rich. These Hindi song-walas are just jealous because no one shouts “Anu Malik” or “Pritom” in a Bollywood song.

Tip: It’ll be better if you also change your name to something that has the letter-Z. For example: Jaz Dhami, Jazzy B and Taz.

Heeriye, Soniye, Kudiye, Mutiyaare, Patakhe, Laila, Gurrrl

Include at least two of the above mentioned words to refer to the ladies. It just doesn’t stop there. Punjabi lyricism gives you enough freedom to get as creative as possible and objectify women by calling them whatever you want. Once you get some practice, adjectives like “nasal di gori aahganne di porri aaah” and “mitraan di hoe” will come naturally to you. You can also try using “marjaani” and “khasma nu khaani”, which are both extremely popular. And if you’re one who likes showering your girlfriend with beautiful compliments, try taking inspiration from “kudi bann gayi beauty queen la la body butter caream.

Tip: Who the bloody nonsense teach you girl-girl? It is gurrrrl.

Vodka, Daaru, Dope, Beer, Botal, Neat

Punjabi music is for times to celebrate, be it a wedding when you go “rum rum rum rum rum, oh whisky” or a tough heartbreak when you start humming atrocious lyrics like “upar upar upar, in the air.” Your song should show self-pride through words like “main sharaabi main sharaabi” even if they form more than eighty percent of the lyrics. At the same time, you should also promote responsible drinking through the words “naale thode tikke shikke tussi kha leya karo” and “khaali tidh liver na saadeya karo”.

Tip: Rhyme your alcohol and narcotics’ names with made up words starting with “sha”. For example, “daaru-shaaru” and “dope-shope”.

Chandigarh, UK

It doesn’t matter if you’re from Lajpat Nagar or Hissar; to be a successful Punjabi song writer, you have to know the names of all the important places in Chandigarh and UK, which are… um, Chandigarh and UK. You’ll then be able to bring the authentic Punjab spirit to your song. Some of the greatest songs of our time have lines like “tu Chandigarh tohn aayi ni” and “jidaan Chandigarh lagda na tere bina dil.” The safest place to use “UK” is to say it right after you say your name. I promise no one will doubt it!

Tip: Patiala is not a place; it is a peg.

Insert names of at least two luxury brands

Connoisseurs of style, Punjabis no longer define “bling” as the strip of jewels on Daler Mehndi’s turban. Also, today’s Punjabi boys know the difference between brand and brandy. You should try getting used to the fact that “Tommy” is not the name of a dog; “Bobbi Brown” does not mean that your “Bobby bhaiya/chacha/bua” is being made fun of by racist whites; and “Pa-rada” is not a brand of “paranda”. Try getting into the mode by listening to “kaali teri Gucci te Prada tera laal”, “Bobbi Brown da make up laake munde pattdi jaandi hai”, “kudi da chitta iPhone, laake LA wali tone” and "...shoe teri da, dress teri da, ghadi je paayi Guess teri da."

Tip: Ed Hardy and Being Human are not luxury brands. Basically, anything that Salman wears is easily available on the roads, so better avoid ‘em all.

Gaddi, Jeep, Lamborghini, Bullt

It was no miracle that the only Punjabi song to break all records for being used in a Bollywood movie was “Main nikla gaddi le ke”. However, the most beautiful use of a car is credited to Imran Khan who made waves with lines like “ni gaddi saadi bae ja ni jattiye… woofer tu meri meri, main tera amplifyaa fyaa”. A car is the only object about which you can be realistic in your lyrics and still be sure of sounding like a badass Gabru, as seen in “pijj gayi kurti paseene di… chaali degree sidhi dhup paendi… on karaan AC.

If you can’t find the proper place to talk about your car in the song, don’t fret. But you must not forget to show the swankiest of Ferraris and Jaguars in your music video. Also, the only motorcycle that qualifies to be spoken about is Bullt.

Tip: Get your car registered in Uttarakhand. That way, you’ll get a number plate that says UK.

The Weaponry, the Party and the Gabru

It’s always a good idea to talk about all the pind gang wars that you’ve been a part of. “Hockey, gandaasi, goliyan, bandook and talwar” add the much needed punch to your lyrics. Also, the translation for yo’ nigga in Punjabi is “oye, gabru”.

Tip: If all else fails, pick up and translate any 50 Cent song for best results.

Exhibit A: In Da Club

Oye, oye, oye, oye, oye, oye kudiye,
Ni ajj tera burday.
Assi karaange party ni ajj tera burday,
Piyaange ve Bacardi, ni ajj tera burday,
Fikraan ni assi karde, je na ho tera burday!

Tu mil le mennu pub, main nachaan in the club,
Tu soni enni kudiye, ni vekhen tennu sab.
Main kardaan shaitaaniyan, ruka haan main vi kab?
Aa chal mere naal, kehde tu hi mera rabb.

Je Yo Yo tera gaddiyan ni apniyan laave,
Jaa Gur-gaon geet je apne sunaave,
Saare loki hath utte nachde jaave,
Te pher tu mere kol na ajj kyun aave?

Dad mennu kende si: nalayake tu padh,
Main keya main gabru jawaan o’ Chandigarh.
Je lage meri hockey di kissi nu vi ragadh,
Otthe hi banda kutt jaana, ho jaani body sadh.

Oh kudiye ni aaja ni tu mere naal pub,
Dolce Gabanna di tu dress jaa ke fadh,
Karaange assi party, na kisi da vi darr.
Je Yo Yo tere naal, te na koi vi fikar.

39 comments:

  1. "Vodka, Daaru, Dope, Beer, Botal, Neat"

    "Aina veina dope shope marya karo."
    "Laga jawani. Vodka laga."
    "Patiala peg laga ke teri gali vich aake..... Main talli."


    HAHAHAHAHAHAAH SOOOO true!

    I think all of them are so true but this I related to the most :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know so much Punjabi! I'm surprised. I thought you'd be the suffix everything with "tennu-mennu" girl like Sukanya!

      Delete
  2. This is one of your best pieces. My only wish was that you could have checked with me just once before writing this and I would have updated you with the new songs of yo yo, diljit and alfaaz.

    Eg: bebo diyaan gallan pink pink, shoulder chakk chakk ke. Punjab poolce and ethir neechal. Satisfaaya by imran khan (you have to listen to this one).

    @@@@@@@@@@@ jalebi.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha! Bhayi, whatte lyrics! Yes, poochhna chahiye tha. But apne praa nu enna pasand aa geya :D

      Delete
  3. Sarthak....its a hilarious read....well written bro. Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, man. Comments from old school friends bring such a wide smile on my face :)

      Delete
  4. Ha ha ha ha....
    If DU introduces such a course,then I'm sure that u'll be Head of Department....
    totally hilarious!!!
    :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd love to! *Runs to write the application*

      Delete
  5. You are at ur best as usual.......it is simply awesum n the hilarious references you hav given.....too good!!
    All the 5 jalebis for u
    @@@@@ and yeah m opening halwai shop for you n nt just one but many....
    Keep up!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Manisha. I'm so happy to know you came back for more :D

      Delete
  6. i need sm1 who can help me 2 translate my lyric's 2 Punjabi lyrics for my rap

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Send them to me through the contact form on the side bar. I'll see what I can do :)

      Delete
  7. Hey Sarthak,
    stumbled upon the open letter to Ted Mosby and ended up reading your entire blog. Quite refreshing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That makes me so happy! Yay, thanks, Noor :D

      Delete
  8. Its really a best ever article i read on this topic....gud job sarthak...keep it up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Puneet Paaisaab/Paenji!

      P.S. I know both men and women with this name, so.

      Delete
  9. awesome article bro....really , lobed it alot...hahaha..... I must try on the 2 pac punjabi version lyrics.....hahahaha....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey bro...I come to know that a writer have to create melody himself for his written song...is this true...my mean to say this this work should be of musician or singer..a writer can only make a sensefull song

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right in what you mean. I just don't know what you mean.

      Delete
  11. Chorus:
    Apna bana le mainnu Sohniye ; Tennu pyaar da mai karaa izhaar ni,
    Tere bina lage ab toh mai reh na sakun ; Mainnu bana le apne gale da haar ni…….

    St. 1:
    Teri chaddti jawani pure shaher te mashoor ; Sadde utte vi chada hai tere pyaar da suroor,
    Jado ankh vi uttha ke koi dekhe tere utte ; Ankh vi uttha koi dekhe tere utte, ;
    Tab uss mundeya di khair ni……….

    St. 2:
    Mera dil teri ankh da shikaar ho gaya ; Tennu takde hi yaar mainu pyaar ho gaya,
    Jee kare tennu leke lambi date pe chaluun ; tennu leke lambi date pe chaluun, ;
    Tere liye leke aaya lambi car vi……….

    Rap:
    Teri yaad me na soya saari raat me
    Tere pichhe toh lage hua barbaad main
    Mud ke toh dekho zara hoon mai kis haal main
    Aasoon Kitne bahaye maine teri yaad main

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oho, bo wadhiya paaisaab. Grammy chukko, Grammy.

      Delete
  12. to make any punjabi song video to contact this number 8800880621

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Swahili song? No? That's racist.

      Delete
    2. I wanna make a Punjabi song but I have no song . I have Casio, guitar and music editor only I want is song. Will u help me bro please

      Delete
  13. Hi Sarthak sir, I am Sunil Sharma from Punjab. I have gone through your articles & they were quite helpful. I love writing Punjabi quotes, Lyrics & all that stuff in my free time. Right now, I am like a beginner in this field .The favour I need from your side is how could we give/sell/send lyrics to Punjabi singers/musicians. As you know there are a lot of people who love writing Lyrics. But, the lyrics of only few people become successful in approaching Punjabi singers/Musicians. If you can guide me I will be grateful to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunil, make a Youtube video of yourself singing the song. That's the route these days. I'll be your first follower.

      Delete
    2. Hellow sarthak sir m irshad khan from delhi sir I wanna write lyrics in punjabi but the problem is that k mujhe punjabi ati nahi or punjabi song mujhe bhot pasand hai jo bhi mujhe sunta hai wo yahi bolta hai k mai punjabi song accha gata hu to sir aap batao mujhe kya karna chahiye

      Delete
    3. Irshad, toh app Punjabi lyricist ki jagah Punjabi singer bann jaaiye.

      Delete
  14. Hindi tunes or bollywood music is prevalent everywhere throughout the world. Presently, Indians are the bollywood music fans as well as you will see that individuals from various nations are obsessed with Bollywood, motion pictures, music and move styles. http://punjabimp3hits.com/videos/glass-kach-da-manpreet-sadhu-mp3-download/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Bhai....please..koi mujhe rap yaa song send karega.....plzzzz..pjeet6380@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Bakwaas
    .....aap log kuchh v nhi jante Punjabi language ke bare mein....yeh Ek language ka apmaan(insult) karne jaisa hai....

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sukhpreet Aulakh.July 25, 2017 at 8:44 AM

    how is this line???
    Main Kholi bottle, peeti whisky,
    Duje munde naal oh menu dis gi,
    Fir Kadeya main jeb vichon Asla,
    Goli marke katam keeta masla...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Can I use this song to make a album on the YouTube will u allow me. This song is so good. Please sir

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sir can I use this song for my album on YouTube please sir

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sir m 1 punjabi lyricst hone k sathh sath sing v kr leta hu bt peso ki problem aa ri h koi sath dene ko tyar nhi h kre to kya kre koi rasta nhi dikhta m daily songs likhta hu koi help v ni krna
    Money problem kya kre

    ReplyDelete

If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D