Baniya

“Dhaniya” and “dulhaniya” seem to be the only two words that rhyme with “Baniya”, and call it a coincidence if you may, but there cannot be better words to describe the life priorities of the Baniya clan. There’s no other caste in India which can so brilliantly put money’s worth to everything, from a sprig of dhaniya to the celebration of the bitiya turning into a dulhaniya. It’s unfair how when quizzed about the different types of people living in North India, “Punjabi”, “Jaat”, “Bihari” and “Rajput” are answers that so easily overshadow the identity of this massive clan. To give them a position of recognition that they so rightly deserve, I present to you some simple ways in which you can spot a Baniya.

It’s quite easy to tell a well-bred Baniya from his appearance. While the Jaat boys keep a short crop on their heads and the Punjabis experiment with beards that look like electro-cardio graphs lining their jaw-line, the Baniya boys always keep it simple with their hair neatly parted from the side. A true mumma’s boy, the Baniya bears all accusations of having smeared his hair with “chameli ka tel” in silence, but never admits to using Dabur Amla or the “sarson ka tel” which his mother gently massages on his scalp every night. Also, what the world calls an olive skin tone is what most Baniyas inherit from their parents. Being desi to the core, if given a chance, they’d describe their color to be more of “Mathura ka pedha” than olive. And surprisingly, color is not the only characteristic that the pedha lends to them. A perfectly round belly that is smooth with very little or no hair is also a pedha like quality, which makes them perfect for playing the role of a pundit ji in a school play.

While the Mittals, Goyals and Gargs form around twenty percent of their total community size, the Guptas and Aggarwals reign with almost three-quarters of their total population. Keeping the family businesses aside, the career options available to them seem to be even fewer than the number of surnames to choose from. While half of them decide to pursue Chartered Accountancy, the other half open sweet shops at every corner of every market in the city. The fact that these people are not made for creative pursuits is clear from how the glow sign boards of all the Aggarwal Sweet Corners look exactly the same and yet boast of their uniqueness with the words: Humari koi branch nahi hai.

Highly educated, they could have made a name for themselves in the field of literature, but deciding on whether to spell their name as “Aggarwal”, “Agarwal” or “Agrawal” and “Goyal” or “Goel” takes up most of their childhood and then it gets too late to discover the rest of the English language. They could’ve also tried to venture into the world of Bollywood, but considering the amount they spend on weddings, it definitely does not make much financial sense to risk their children marrying a couple of times during their lifetime. Also, the surname Goyal will never bring images of washboard abs in your head.

It sounds ridiculous when Baniyas are stereotyped as misers. Born investors, they learn that the biggest commitment that one has to make in life is to one’s life partner. Thus, one of their life’s goals is to save enough to build a decent initial capital to invest in their marriages. Known for their fair dealing, they trust only people from their own community. Marriage outside the caste is not a sin that a hundred religious trips to Vrindavan can wash away. And therefore, the University of Delhi stands as proof of the fact that every relationship of a Punjabi boy and a Baniya girl always ends with the situational soundtrack, “Achha sila diya tune mere pyaar ka.”

The Baniya might keep a five hundred rupee note in his wallet, and still make you pay for his bottle of coke in the canteen as the purchase requires a tenner. He might call you only if you happen to have a connection with the same telephone carrier; or he might call at a time when he knows you won’t answer, so that he gets called back. He might turn up for your birthday party with just a hand-made card and hint that it’s the thought that counts. But you should know that it’s no miracle that one of the first Indians to make it to the Forbes Top Ten Billionaires was a Mittal Baniya. After all, not everyone can pull off spending sixty million dollars on one's daughter's wedding and then cut down on employees' health and retirement benefits with the excuse that his company does not make that much money.

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