Sunday, November 24, 2013

Those are Blue Lenses, Smartass!

Lucky Ali could’ve used a reference to “blue eyes” in his video for the song Oh Sanam, but decided against it for a reason. Knowing how none of the producers could afford to hire Aishwarya Rai for just one shot of cyan eyes, people would’ve definitely confused the person behind the burqah to either be Jugal Hansraj or Adam Bedi. So he let the video be and culled lyrics suggesting the beauty of those eyes lest he sounded like a gay dude. If only the musicians of today could be intelligent like Mr. Ali and realize that the entire blue-eyed population of the country got named right in the second sentence of this post, the Indian economy would’ve saved a pelvic-load of foreign exchange that got spent in hiring Lamborghinis only so that YoYo Honey Singh could pick up a desi woman with blue eyes in a foreign locale without even realizing that she’s clearly wearing colored lenses.

Mr. Singh, I’d have contested the logic in getting hypnotized by two eyes disguised in a fake shade, half a kilometer away through the windscreen of a moving sports car, without even considering the obstruction caused by the Janpath shopped wayfarers and the visor of your cap. But I decided to cut you some slack for having to get through life with an IQ level of a Nokia 1100. However, your lyrics are more pissing than a ninety year old who cries for an adult diaper despite being attached to a dialysis machine. If the lyrics of the song were even half as fun as bolo-tara-ra-ra, I would’ve let the matter pass off in silence. But words such as “champagne ger di hai tune meri pant pe; kehti hai change karlo hotal leke rant pe” do not deserve to be forgiven.

I was amused at how the lady you picked up could not notice the beauty in the way you rhymed rant with pant. Cuz if she had, I assure you of her walking out of that car and going back to her tant. But rabb da banda you are, and also are your women god-sant. Maybe she was impressed with your promise of “pass kara dun phone ghuma ke; teri principal bhi baby YoYo ki fan hai.” I mean, if you could honestly get me to pass my CA finals by making a call to the Institute’s president, I guarantee that I’d have also dressed up in a yellow colored short dress and licked on a red ice-lolly, creating a beautiful contrast with my blue eyes so that you could pick me up on the road. I wouldn’t have cared a hoot about my safety because as soon as you’d have asked me to decide if you should take a “left ya right”, I’d have directed you to the “pillow fight” and then bashed the shit out of you with my dhai kilo ka haath because that is what I use as a pillow at night. And, shut up with the bomb-figure adjective while you dry hump some air in a Justin Timberlake ensemble. It makes you look like a person whose favorite pick up line would be “is your dad a terrorist?”

Honestly, man; I have been a fan of your music not only because it gets me a chance to dance with some pretty ladies at parties, but also because the maximum hits on my blog come from the Google search “honey singh gay”. (No kidding. Google it!) I deleted songs of Coke Studio from my phone only to make space for your music. I also published an in-depth analysis of your success in the Punjabi music industry here. I got ridiculed by the JNU types for my pedestrian taste in music, and I took it all in silence. A lot of us did. But I will not let you take advantage of your non-Chandigarh fans, who I like to believe, deserve to be given something better to help them retain their fan status.

Also, if you say “katal kare tera bomb figure” one more time, I promise to get a suicide bomber from Afghanistan and make your dream come true!


Image Source:muskurahat.pk

30 comments:

  1. hahaha i was listening to the song a minute before you posted this and was wondering the exact same thing only you made it sound funnier :P
    also how did you miss the forced red 'feather in my cap'!! disgusting i say! not your post :P
    i give you all five @@@@@

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I left it for you to mention here, fashion lady :D
      Thank you :)

      Delete
  2. Superb post...nd to mention d fact dat d figure of the chick actually does d katal of ur eyez cuz shes visibly fat....d frst thyng i hatd abt d song is d fake blue eyes...nd upar se honey singh is trying 2be decent wid his lyrics as though ppl dun get d nerve ov wat he is satin..ny how u get@@@@@ best part was u dressin up as dat chick

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Thanks, man. And I'm sure you don't want to see me dressed up like that.

      Delete
  3. "katal" hi kar dia aapne to iska ��
    @@@@@

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I might have to answer the kolaveri di question after this "murderous rage", no? :D
      Thanks :)

      Delete
  4. Not a fan of honey singh but true that his music is dance worthy if you choose to ignore the lyrics... I am sure you can guess how hard it is for me to ignore something like 'katal kare tera bomb figure'.

    Great post! @@@@

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  5. Who calls a Lamborghini a 'Ginni'? That is not normal behaviour :S

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahahahaha, this post just made me LOL!! Especially that 'hotel leke RANT pe' . Man seriously, he thinks he's the 'dope' rapper alive in the industry, his lyrics just make me bang my head against the nail hammered in my wall! :p And I find it incredibly lunatic when people call him the 'Eminem' of India, Damn! Chhi!
    And yes, I thought you would write about the last line too, he says, "suna tere college mein mere gaane ban hai" and then that crazy ass says, "Teri principal bhi baby Yo Yo ki fan hai". I need to personally ask him how both the lines are related to each other.
    Anyways, chhodo vo sab, I give you 5 jalebis..@@@@@.. !! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sarath. Such a long comment :D
      And whatta technical point. Sayi baat hai! Or is the Principal a hypocrite who bans the songs despite being a fan. Tch tch.

      Delete
  7. Dudeeeee this is amazing! The rab da banda phrase is like so funny! Honey Singh should definitely read this, might get a tip to write better lyrics for his next number on which you can groove with all the prett ladies around.

    @@@@@ jalebies. I hope zyada meetha na hojaye :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nahi ho raha zyada meetha. Me louu yo. Thanks :D

      Delete
  8. Agreed, agreed, agreed!
    @@@@@
    To top it all, people are actually going around praising this song! I used to really like Honey Singh's numbers, but I think this song might be a cue for the fame getting to his head. He had started using decent lyrics in his songs, but then in Break-up Party he brought back a hint of vulgarity, so slight as to be negligible. Now, with Blue Eyes he has gone all the way to 'Cheap-O town'. I wonder if he is trying to bring his old misogynistic lyrics back, now that he's popular enough to get some attention from Bollywood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Break Up Party is one song I hate! Its music is senseless and the lyrics really ridiculous. I don't want to give up on Honey already, but the future doesn't seem too hopeful.

      Also, I watched the video of ABCD yesterday. Sucks again.

      Delete
  9. I wish our principal was a fan of YoYo too. All of us could have worn a skimpy yellow outfit and some cheap ass ugly lenses.

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    Replies
    1. That would've been hilarious considering the CBS we know. But you should see the little ones in our college now. Makes me go tauba at times.

      Delete
  10. You should write lines for him...and a nice 'tribute' to the one who directs others to your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  11. After a hard day at work, did not know this post would bring a much needed smile!
    And the cliched "Kya baat, kya baat, kya baat!"
    @@@@@ + @

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha!! Dude I came across your blog today in attempt to convince my friend that honey singh was gay :P but I stayed on and continued reading(thankfully!) I've never really been a fan of Delhi guys and their blogs but you my friend,are good :D

    @@@@
    Love
    A Bangalorean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's showing a lot of love from the South. Flattered, I am. Thank you. I hope you'll come back fo' mo' :D

      Delete
  13. haha!! Logical postmortem of this song :P .
    Every time i hear " teri principal bhi baby YoYo ki fan hai" It made me wonder whether PV would be her fan . May be :P

    ReplyDelete
  14. whats the brand of the cap he is wearin...

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  15. This post is the bomb. It wraps in everything I ever felt about this senseless song when hearing some misdirected teenage boy sing it, under the myth that he is being utterly impressive! Really very glad that someone got the side of logic down and so finely, too! To the dot, I say, to the dot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you much, yo :D
      However, I must admit that whenever this song comes up on the radio, I raise the volume and sing along with shades on in my car B^)

      Delete

If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D