Tuesday, January 14, 2014

X-Men Womaniya (Guest Post)

I write this article after years of research, observation and data mining. And I literally mean years; approximately since I started watching Cartoon Network. My conclusions are based on solid comparisons, as you will see in a moment, and if I may say so myself, paradigm shifting. Was that enough? Need more build up? No? Okay, here goes: India women are X-Men; or X-Women. Whatever pleases your feminist sensibilities.

Let’s start with basic stuff that these Superheroes make a living out of (in Cartoons, Manga, Comics and generally disappointing movie adaptations) Ready? You sure? Hold on to your pants.

Indian Women Can Change Their Appearance (see: Mystique, X-Men)

Ever noticed how all women in our society have to be fair? And thin? And drop-dead gorgeously beautiful? Of course you have. Let me give you a gist of most television commercials- “A Woman should be beautiful, this I know for Fair & Lovely tells me so.”

Every successful woman CEO/model uses a fairness cream, every wife is more desirable to her husband after she loses weight. A pimple can make or break her career, man. You know how much body modification goes into putting up with all that? And they manage it. With panache. What does that tell you?

Indian Women Have to Put Up With a Stupid Society (see: Every X-Men character ever)

You’ve all seen these specimens of manliness, right? Middle of the night, fast cars - loud music, clothes that shimmer like a chandelier and enough booze to light up a Russian? Now put a bunch of women in that car. OHMYGOD! SLUTS!

Very rarely do you find an Indian guy not coming to grips with his surging sexuality (start from puberty, beyond menopause-ity). Put a woman in his place. OHMYGOD! SLUT!

There are really hardcore-level stupid societal biases women have to put up with here. But they do it, like the X-Men. What does that tell you?

Indian Women Have to Appease the Aforementioned Stupid Society (see: Again, All X-Men)

The thing that bothers me the most about X-Men movies is that the protagonists save homo-sapiens over and over despite the shit they have to put up with. It becomes worse when you realize women in India do the same thing EVERY DAY. They don’t even get fancy fighting suits! Or claws, or you know, cool sunglasses like that Cyclops guy!

Obedient daughter: check. Caring mother: check. Good career/Marry rich: check.

Anything that deviates from that standard societal norm: Not cool, bro. A woman in our country is supposed to smile through a Khap Panchayat. Have a paan around midnight at Ramu’s Panchayat?
OHMYGOD! SLUT! What does that tell you?

Indian Women Have an Accelerated Healing Ability (see: Wolverine)

Once you’re done fantasizing about Hugh Jackman, focus on what I’m saying here. Achha, I’ll wait.
Okay, so. Shoot him, scratch him, bite him (wouldn’t you like that!) you just can’t harm him for long. It just sews itself up, ready to go another round of bad-assery. Ditto for women, here.

Dowry claims, rape, marital abuse, infanticide, general sexual harassment, nothing seems to stop them! It’s so bad that sexist remarks are a fair formula for mainstream musical success (Looking at you, Honey Singh fans) but they just carry on. Never seen a woman who gave up on our society and said, “Enough, I’m outta here”. It’s been 66 years and they still don’t have equal rights, or anything remotely resembling a fair deal, and they’re still fighting. Like Hugh Jackman (slurp). What does that tell you?

I’m onto some other stuff too, but I think you get the general idea. Obviously, I’m not sure what this means for our country in general. Whether it means we are reaching a peak in human genetics, or we can’t let half our society live like equals in their own country. Women in our country have to be superhuman to be treated as a normal human. What does that tell you?

-Written by Pratyush Biswal (Super kickass guy and good friend. Also, in case you’re a girl who is really impressed with the piece, he’s single with good looks and a very sharp brain, too.)

Image Source: kevinwada.deviantart.com


  1. Grab a samosa .... 3 it is :p @@@

    1. I think Pratyush did a wonderful job with the analogy :)

  2. I have to admit, I never thought of feminism from the X-Men perspective. It does seem an interesting approach to the subject. Any guy who writes about feminism gets a double thumbs up from me, any day. Especially for the "OHMYGOD! SLUT!" part. Of course, there are quite a few crucial points missing, but there's really only so much you can expect a guy to understand about women's problems, no matter how much the awareness.
    I'll give him @@@@@ for the thought itself. :)

    P.S.: Hugh Jackman (slurps)! ;)

    1. I'm sure Mr. Biswal will be really happy to read this, T-BUB. It's been a while we caught up. I've put up a new post for our comments to keep going :D

  3. An idea or a connection very well put!
    Every time I read that with a shout in my head- OHMYGOD! SLUT! It was hilarious! :D

    P.S. I'm impressed. Give your friend 5 jalebies on my behalf! ;)

  4. Good article and all but can I do fraandship with Piyushji?
    also @@@a (3.5)

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If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D