Sunday, February 23, 2014

When Vulnerability Withers

Your excuse could be coming back home late from work every night. You seem to believe that the quarter of an hour saved at the non-operational Gurgaon toll booth doesn’t really help. Your work requires you to wake up early and so it requires you to go to bed on time. You talk about never having looked at anyone at your office in that way. Work is priority, and we know how much you mean it when you say that. “I am dating my laptop”, you say, following it with a slight chuckle (and a suggestive hand movement, if you’re a guy). I mean, there’s just too much to work towards career wise. And, it shuts everyone up around you.

Your excuse could be a checklist which most candidates fail to comply with. You seem to believe that a person must be something more specific than just a person for you to feel some attraction. After all, as we all know, mystery never has a role to play. You want someone who shares the profession, or probably not. You say you have a type, which ironically is defined by the characteristics of just one person you were once with. The checklist provides you with enough reasons to speak of when someone asks why you don’t feel anything for the friend you spend a lot of time with. If all else fails, you say that your parents wouldn’t agree. And, it shuts everyone up around you.

Your excuse could be a statistic that tells you how arranged marriages last much longer than love marriages. You seem to believe that your parents deserve a say in who you should spend your life with. You talk about how they know better because of age. You digress into the way you’ve been brought up and how you owe them the right to decide what is good for you. After all, they have your best interest in mind. An arranged marriage lasts longer because of acceptability to compromises, you quote an article. Your parents had an arranged marriage, too. Maybe, you’ll have an “arranged-cum-love” marriage and everything will fall into place. So much like it is the multi-usability and convenience of a “sofa-cum-bed” that you talk about. And, it shuts everyone up around you.

You could find a quadrillion more excuses to shut people up, but none to shut the voices in your head that speak of a longing to meet someone who’d give you company in the office cab, or keep you up all night on a free minutes calling plan. You know how falling for someone who is the complete opposite of your criteria makes for a more interesting story to narrate to your friends for years to come than to talk about someone who magically fit a little over half the things on your list, and thus made the cut.

You think the excuses will cure the disease that you call an inability to fall in love again. A belief that a safe distance preserves you for the love that will come with marriage is more synonymous to hara-kiri than to self-defense. It’s not the fear that you must fear, for it is to be embraced as a sign of possibility of feeling the love again. As long as there is fear, there will come a love to restore the balance. Because if there was no fear of being broken down by love again, there would be no reason for love to come around one more time or maybe more, and someday shut not just the people around, but the voices inside your head.

**************

Here's leaving you with this beautiful illustration I found on zenpencils. You might want to download and zoom in on it to be able to read the text. Also, don't judge me because I called this beautiful. I'm really macho and shit, ok!


Image Source: http://zenpencils.com/comic/103-c-s-lewis-to-love-at-all/

21 comments:

  1. I just saw this illustration day before yesterday and today I read this. I really admire the optimism and hope it brought after I read it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankee doodle doo, yo. The image inspired me to write it :)

      Delete
  2. "As long as there is fear, there will come a love to restore the balance."

    Is this Sarthak Ahuja's words that I am reading? I am in a bit of shock. Though, I do believe there are several sides to people, I am always surprised with the revelation. This is, in fact, a very thoughtful and deep post. I am not sure how much you connect to it personally (I mean, I am sure you do if you've taken the time to write this down). It takes a lot of courage to pen something like this down. You connect with people not just through humour but through emotion as well. Keep it up, Ahuja! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Should I just put on my glares and act cool now? B-)
      Thank you. That was a very flattering comment. It feels even better when English Hons. students appreciate a blog with crap grammar. But yay, you :)

      P.S. I wouldn't have written it if I didn't connect with it myself.

      Delete
  3. This was an incredible pleasure to read. Everything about this post just fell into the right place, and the whole thing is just...overall beautiful. :')

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, praa. I needn't write a long reply to your comment. Behen hai tu toh saggi :P

      Delete
  4. A heartfelt post Sarthak!
    Write more of such posts,a welcome breather from the punjabi bluster :)
    These lines made me smile:"You say you have a type, which ironically is defined by the characteristics of just one person you were once with"-perhaps my vulnerable state.
    So-
    1) Do you endorse love marriages?
    Will you have one yourself,or go the AMway?
    2) Do you believe a person holding a torch for someone can REALLY move on?
    3) What if I grow old and never find love?
    4) Should women try to marry on time or go around with a checklist in mind by trying to'fall' in love?

    4u-Literally anonymous

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1) They're both nice in their own way. I think it's most important to not differentiate between the two as both take an equal amount of respect for it to work.
      2) I think it's best to be glad that you did your part and move on.
      3) As long as you feel love for what's on the other side of the mirror, all hope isn't lost.
      4) I'll leave that for the women to decide.

      Here's ending a list of the biggest cliches ever spoken about love. I feel like a corn and cheese parantha right now.

      Delete
  5. Yes,yes...your jalebis
    @@@@@

    ReplyDelete
  6. This post is uncharacteristically serious, but, as usual, a result of wonderful observational power on your part. I cannot say that I can personally relate to it, but it is beautifully written. I particularly loved the last couple of lines - "As long as there is fear, there will come a love to restore the balance. Because if there was no fear of being broken down by love again, there would be no reason for love to come around one more time or maybe more, and someday shut not just the people around, but the voices inside your head."
    And here are your jalebis :)
    @@@@@

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. T-BUB, you're too young to relate to it, no? I am too, actually. Badon ki baatein. Saanu ki!
      And, thank you :D

      Delete
  7. You can be macho and still call things beautiful :)

    This was a good read, indeed. Especially, your reply to Anonymous!

    P.S. Felt like my alter ego wrote this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you are the Disha who I think you are, I could not be happier right now :)

      Delete
  8. This is very unlike your usual writing. And I liked it!
    I had so many things going on in my head while reading it, so many things to add, all out of personal experiences though. Sometimes there are other strange reasons for ''shutting everyone up around you'.

    Good work! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. And you must share the other strange reasons. Let me know over text or email, if not here :)

      Delete
  9. there would be no reason for love to come around one more time or maybe more, and someday shut not just the people around, but the voices inside your head.

    Shut the people around? Please explain?

    What does this mean. Your words touched my heart after a rough break up. A good safe option is to shut it off, but this gives me hope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope my reply to you on email helped :)

      Delete

If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D