Sunday, March 2, 2014

Reading Kapil Sharma's Fan Mail

The internet is a wonderful place, where you can find anything that you’re looking for. And Google is the mode that helps you in your endeavor. I won’t talk about how it has helped man relieve emotions that struggle to spurt out, but I can’t do without mentioning how specific requests like finding a gay version of Honey Singh or an answer to the speculation about Kapil Sharma’s wig are also catered to by the Almighty Google, mostly in the form of search results that lead a bunch of wonderful people to this blog. I say this because the everyday top search queries that direct people to this website are “honey singh gay” and “kapil sharma wig”, among the less obvious “sarthak ahuja” and “my life is a jalebi”.

Recently, I woke up to an email that someone had sent me through the Contact Me widget on the blog. I thought it would be the usual hate mail accompanying a lesson in English grammar for yours truly. But to my surprise, it was a fan mail. A fan mail to the one and only *wait-for-it* Kapil Sharma!

Being the trusting fellow that I am, I believe it could be someone who landed on the post “Open Letter to Kapil Sharma” in his pursuit to find a way to write a letter to the comedy artiste. I can’t be sure about whether this was an innocent prank or a genuine love-filled message from a true fan of the great soul who has inspired college start-ups to sell Babaji Ka Thullu t-shirts for two hundred bucks each. I can only reproduce the facts, and leave the decision to your best judgment.

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Sun, Feb 16, 2014 at 10:40 PM
Blogger Contact Form <no-reply@blogger.com>
Reply-To: rajendra ********** <************@yahoo.in>
To: sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com

kapilbhai i'm not a fan but i like u'r presence of mind and simultaneously luv u'r singing habits even m a singer and for that one reason i'm wxcited to sing with u and desperrately wanna meet u i know u r down to earth and will never let any one down i want to sing one song with u and thats my wish but dont have money to meet u after all u r a big celeb now i reside in surat can u help me out kapil kuch to setting karado yaar after all shail hada was mt class mate and jab bhi bulao mujhe thoda time de do taki riyaz kar sakoon kapil aaj yeh baat dil se bol raha hun bhagwaan mere saath hey to u will call me 94******** bye kapil

Regards,
rajendra ********** | ************@yahoo.in

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Wed, Feb 19, 2014 at 10:51 PM
Sarthak Ahuja <sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com>
To: ***************@yahoo.in

Dear Rajendra,

Mujhe tumhara message mila aur badi khushi huyi. Mere gaane ki tareef karne ke liye bohot bohot shukriya.
Yaar, idhar show mein aane ke liye bada jhamela hai. Main kabhi Surat aaunga toh tumse milunga. Chai pilaaoge na?

Kal toh main jaa raha hun Manali aur Kullu. Thand baja degi mera babaji ka thullu.

Apne secertry ko ye de raha hun tumhe pohonchaane ke liye. Aasha karta hun woh tumhe email kar dega. Ek poster bhi diya hai tumhare liye scan karne ko. Iska color print leke almaari ke darwaaje pe laga lena. Badi khushi hogi.

Buddhan dadi ka aashirwad aur mere bade bade hothon wali biwi ki kissy. Gutthi jaaye tel lene.

Kapil Sharma

--
Sarthak Ahuja
Secretary to Aadarniya Shri Kapil Sharma ji
K9 Productions Television

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Thu, Feb 20, 2014 at 9:52 AM
Rajendra ******* <**********@yahoo.in>
Reply-To: Rajendra ******** <*********@yahoo.in>
To: Sarthak Ahuja <sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com>

arre kapilji mujhe vishwas nahi ho raha ki aap ne mujhe yaad kiya sirji i swear jab bhi aap surat aaoge mujhe keval ek msg bhej dena me aapse personally milne aaunga..bahut khushi hui aap ne yaad kiya..bas khyal rakhna apna aur sab ko meri taraf se payr aur dher sari shubhkamnayein.

lots of luv....Raju

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Thu, Feb 20, 2014 at 2:46 PM
Rajendra ******* <**********@yahoo.in>
Reply-To: Rajendra ******** <*********@yahoo.in>
To: Sarthak Ahuja <sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com>

kapilbhai ek baat aur puchna chahunga aapke secretary ne jo mujhe aapki taraf se mail bheja kya woh sach me aapne mera msg padh kar bheja? ya phir aapne secretary ko bolke rakha hey yaar sarthak tu hi sab jawab de dena aur mujhe pareshan mat karna aur dusri baat kya yeh sach me aapki handwring hey ki yeh bhi secretary ki hey ..yaar kafi bachkana type si hey..anyway jhuta hi sahi lekin aapne yaad to kiya i would like to become ur friend not fan...accept karoge sirji is rishte ko....jo hey bol dena intezaar karunga hope u will have a pleasent trip to manali and kullu aur baki sab babaji ka thullu...

luv u dear...

Raju

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Sat, Mar 1, 2014 at 11:08 AM
Sarthak Ahuja <sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com>
To: ***************@yahoo.in

Priye Dost Raju,

Arrey yaar, kaisi baat kardi tumne! Main toh khud har kisi ke letter aur email ka jawaab deta hun. Main dictate karta hun aur yeh Sarthak mahashay mere saamne baith ke type karta hai. Bilkul sachi muchi ka yaad kara hai tumhe.

Yaar bachpan se thoda angreji mein haath tang tha. Punjabi jitni badhiya likhwani hai likhwa le. Ab log autograph maangte hain, isliye ek handwriting sudhaarne wali kitaab mein roz ek panna likh kar practice karta hun. Thoda time aur dede, phir dekhiyo aisa likhunga jaise computer ne type kara ho. Vaise teri handwriting kaunsi Sunny Leone bhabhi ji jaise sexy hogi. Abhi toh tujhse autograph nahi maanga. Nahi toh pata lage khud buddhon ki tarah likhta hai. Issi baat pe mujhe bhi ek autograph bhej de.

Manali mein ho gaya mujhko zukaam,
Kaam na aaya Munni ka Zandu Balm.
Mazze bade kiye maine in the Kullu,
Jo mera show na dekhe, usse babaji ka thullu.

Love you brother. Baith jaayein.

Kapil Sharma

--
Sarthak Ahuja
Secretary to Aadarniya Shri Kapil Sharma ji
K9 Productions Television

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Sat, Mar 1, 2014 at 1:43 PM
Rajendra ******* <**********@yahoo.in>
Reply-To: Rajendra ******** <*********@yahoo.in>
To: Sarthak Ahuja <sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com>

My dearest Bro kapil,
yaar kasam se bahut accha laga tumhara mail padh ke felt sad that u had zukam,yaar itna bhi kya shooting ki tum nahi kar sako araam,arre wah yeh to shayari ban gayi meri jaan,bas ek icchha hey dilse aap kisi tarah meri bachhi riya ka naam apne show me le lo,taki samajh me aa jaye ki tumhe pahunch gaya mera paigam.But dear riya sen ko mat bula lena apne.yaar kapilji aap ke to abho karodon fans hein lekin aisa kya karun wahi soch raha hun ki me sabse hat kar tumhara ek dost banun.anyway u tell me...

Luv u bro,
Raju(naukar nahi tumhara bhai)
I hv uploaded u'r pic signed by u for me in FB but sab jhooth samajh rahe hein,,,what say

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Sat, Mar 1, 2014 at 5:04 PM
Sarthak Ahuja <sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com>
To: ***************@yahoo.in

Dear Mr. Raju,

Kapil ji will not like it if I tell him that you are showing his autograph to your friends and trying to prove that he has replied to your email. Aap dosti auron ko dikhaane ke liye thodi na karte hain.

Aap jaise shubhchintakon ki wajah se hi aaj Kapil ji star hain. Tab bhi woh sab ke messages ka khud reply karte hain. Kya yeh khud mein hi bohot badi baat nahi hai?

If you want, I will pass on your message to sir. But I think ke unhe shayad bura lage ke aap apne doston ke aage bas show off karne ke liye unse yeh sab sawaal poochh rahe hain.

--
Sarthak Ahuja
Secretary to Aadarniya Shri Kapil Sharma ji
K9 Productions Television

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Sun, Mar 2, 2014 at 10:13 AM
Rajendra ******* <**********@yahoo.in>
Reply-To: Rajendra ******** <*********@yahoo.in>
To: Sarthak Ahuja <sarthakahuja.mail@gmail.com>

Dear Sarthakji,
I think u r right dont worry next time i'll take care not to disclose anything to anyone let it be personal.
I'm sorry for this.

Luv,Raju
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So that has been all with my dear fan till now. I’ll keep you posted about any developments on this front. And just in case dear Raju happens to read this, all I have to say is, “Love you, brother. Baith jaayein.”

13 comments:

  1. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :"D
    Oh. My. God.
    I could not stop laughing; it took me a full two minutes to compose myself enough to write this comment. XD
    I honestly have no idea what to say to this, except, 'Poor Raju!'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops, forgot the jalebis!
      @@@@@@@@
      Tuck in!

      Delete
    2. I was just shocked as to how he thought this blog would get his message sent across to Kapil Sharma. I mean... :|

      Delete
  2. HAHAHA.....
    Just cannot get better than this....
    "Aap jaise shubhchintakon ki wajah se hi aaj Kapil ji star hain."
    Aur humare liye Secretary to Aadarniya Shri Kapil Sharma ji star hain. Tab bhi woh sab ke messages ka khud reply karte hain. Kya yeh khud mein hi bohot badi baat nahi hai?"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahahahahhaahahha aapko poori 1kgs jalebi milegi vo bhi chandni chowk k famous jalebi vale se XD
    Amazing you are Sarthak. I couldn't stop laughing reading it till the end!

    ReplyDelete
  4. “Love you, brother. Baith jaayein.”

    @@@@@ only for this :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Thank you :D

      Also, you are the Mansi whose blog I follow :O

      Delete
  5. Love you brother! Baith jaayein. Hillarious! Stumbled across your blog, amazing place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, brother! Is blog pe baith jaayein :)

      Delete
  6. Luv u bro,
    Raju (naukar nahi tumhara bhai)! :D :D

    @@@

    ReplyDelete

If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D