Sunday, July 20, 2014

You're Not My First Love

I know you were not my first love. You were not the one who helped me recognize what love felt like; not the one to share my firsts; not the one who made me relate the smell of freshly beaten coffee to a specific person. You were not the one I imagined dancing with to every song that played on the radio; and not the first to boast of having cumulated the knowledge to write my biography in a few months. I know you feel like someone stole your rights. I know you wish you could be there to claim them.

I know you were not my first love. You were not the one who scarred me; not the one who left me convinced that I would only get married someday as if making a compromise with life. You were not the one who left me feeling like my body bled every time I heard the name, and then feel it trickle down colorless and thin on either side of my nose. You were not the one I longed to be with for the longest time; not the one I romanticized in my head as a blessing personified. I know you wish you could go back and relieve me of the pain. I know you wish you could hold that power on my heart someday.

I know you were not my first love. You were not the person you’ve heard about for months; not the one about whom my confessions speak tons, in sighs that you feared could turn into tears. You were not the one who left me with a lesson to build walls, fortify myself against what seemed like a calamity in disguise of ecstasy. You were not the one whose walls you try to see through, wanting to break them down, but trying to climb them instead lest you break a part of me with them. I know you wish I had never put myself in a shell so that you could experience me as the first did. I know you wish that every day.

I know you were not my first love. I know you wish you could be there, in the first’s shoes, witnessing all that I had to offer then along with all that I offer now, being sure about making it so far if you could be in those shoes. I know you wish we had grown together, playing games that did not put the heart at stake but nurtured it like never before. But there’s something I wish you could know.

I wish you could know how easy it was for me to fall in love back then; and things that come easy lose their value with time. I wish you could know that I don’t just love you with young emotion, but with a mature decision that doesn’t dwindle like the former. I wish you could know that I could build my walls higher, but they’re just high enough for only you to climb through; to enter and then feel safe with me in their confinement, yet open for us to welcome our family into.

I wish you could know that you haven’t filled someone else’s shoes; you haven’t been asked to wear a pair that would pinch and hurt. I wish you could know that you’re just my size and I’m ready to share my shoes with you.

***


This post is an attempted response to “I Want To Be Your First Love” by Josie Marie on Thought Catalog. You must read it to know how beautifully she expresses her emotions.

P.S. Also, I've tried to write it from a unisex perspective. I can't imagine I do so much sap at times!

***
Aaaand, Thought Catalog published this post on their website. Check it out here :)

Image Source: joannagoddard.blogspot.com

37 comments:

  1. This is so heavenly true.. All d jalebi's for you..

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    1. Thank you ji! Bada relate kar liya aapne :D

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  2. First love brings that rawness...it has been eight years and the scars are still fresh.
    Please tell me how to get over them.
    I am in deep pain and I thought it would go away but it has stayed.
    I can't even tell my folks how depressed I am.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe the first person you need to love is yourself.

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  3. You write absolutely beautifully! This is wonderfully encouraging and filled with hope and truth! :)

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    1. Thanks, Hily! You're always so appreciative :)

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  4. Wow. This is just... I don't know, beautiful is the only word I can think of.
    'I wish you could know that you're just my size and I'm ready to share my shoes with you.'
    This one is SO going to my (mental) list of favourite quotes.
    All I've got to ask is, are you going to write a book, and when can I read it???

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    1. Ab toh matlab sharminda kar diya Bubbly ne :D

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  5. Marry me, Sarthak? <3 <3

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    1. Abhi settle ho gaya? Marry me now? Pucchies!

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  6. @@@@@
    that was so beautiful..!!

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  7. Beautifully written... <3

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  8. wow.... so beautifully written, dun hv better words... but so true :)
    @@@@@@@

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  9. gently bloweth the breezeJuly 22, 2014 at 10:50 PM

    "Yaar! Kya sayi! Matlab, BEST only!" :,)

    p.s. Sarthakspeak! :P :D

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    Replies
    1. Oyehoye! Ek aansu bhi baha diya! Kya baat hai! :D

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  10. This was truly very touching. I think any person who has been in love can easily relate to this and identify with the pain/ joy another person brings to a relationship. You write well :)

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  11. Has the person who wrote the 'I Want To Be Your First Love' article seen this? Because I really think she should. Because it's beautiful.

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    1. I don't know if she has. But, Thought Catalog published it :D

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  12. Beautiful. All jalebis for this one! !!

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  13. Beautifully written :D
    @@@@@
    P.S.:- When you'll get your book published?

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  14. Haven't read much of your blogs.. frankly speaking this was the first one .. very fine piece of writing .. precise clear and conveys your response to “I Want To Be Your First Love” by Josie Marie very well ..looking forward to read more good write ups from your side

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    1. Hi, New Visitor! Thank you so much. Keep coming back for more :)

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  15. Very well said bhai...
    i cn relate it ..
    Cheers....

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  16. Brilliant. I was always curious - do writers/poets write their current hearts/genuine thoughts out, or they make up stuff and add the power of emotion to it?

    PS-chal jalebi khilaata hun tujhe...

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    Replies
    1. Well, it never hurts to have a muse :)

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  17. Crisp,clear and heartfelt! Touche' Sarthak

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  18. You write absolutely beautifully! You filled my Heart for hopes and you raise my love parameter towards my GF... Thankx a ton sir.. hatts off!! :)

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    1. Haha. Girlfriend's gonna feel lucky all day :D

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If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D