Saturday, January 31, 2015

The State of FM Radio in Delhi

The emotions I feel while surfing FM radio stations while driving from Gurgaon to Delhi:

91.1: *check if it's playing a new song, else move on*
92.7: *skip, 'cuz it only plays dadaji music*
93.5: *default station* Bauuwaaaa!
94.3: *sing along if it's an English song you know the lyrics to, else skip*
95: *WTF! Since when did this become a Hindi music channel*
98.3: *RJ Naved, respect*
102.6: *skip with ninja speed*
104: *how many stations has Nitin worked with! Ah, this one's a good song*
104.8: *please God, this is my last hope before I start the whole skipping loop again*
106.4: *why is this even on my saved channels!*

*rinse and repeat*



Quick scoop about the Radiosphere: Khurafati Nitin got married, and with such swag! He wore some royal orange sherwani for the wedding and looked like a motichoor ka laddoo, which, by the way, is my favorite mithai, so it's quite a compliment.

Also, did you know that he got a hair transplant a year ago? Probably because he had an arranged marriage and all the aunties he met were like, "thoda ganja ganja type hai ladka", but he's rocking it like a pro (at having hair?) and making me super jealous because I want a sponsor for a hair transplant. I'll do a promotional blog post in return, Dr. Batra, hello?

For all those who're thinking that I probably know so much about this Nitin guy because I was invited to his wedding; no, I wasn't. But, for the first ten years of my life, I lived in a gated colony called Pundrik Vihar in Pitampura, which was adjoining to a Xavier's Apartments. My dad would drop me at the school bus stop every morning, where Nitin would come to see his younger brother off. All the parents/elder siblings would talk about aunty-uncle things, and I remember how when my dad would ask Nitin what he was studying for, he would say that he wanted to be a Radio Jockey. This was back in the year 1995, and just because I used to see him at the bus stop every morning before school, I like stalking him on facebook and knowing what's up with him in life. Apparently, he has a super swag oozing Jaguar too. I never knew RJ's made so much money! <spoken like a true Punjabi aunty, that>

In unrelated news, why in frig is that buddhi BJP aunty on radio all like, "jhoothe vaade deke bhaag gaya, muft paani ka vaada karke bas aansu de gaya." So subtle! I wonder why there isn't a code of ethics for campaigning by political parties which this advert breaches. It also pains me a bit to see how much of the money goes to waste when the  Congress campaigns on the radio. I like their tenacity though. Some balls you need to be all:

"Yeh development kisne karwayi?"
"Congress ne"
"Yeh Metro kisne banwayi?"
"Congress ne"
"Yeh school, colleges kisne banwaaye?"
"Congress ne"
"Toh phir vote kise doge?"
"Congress ko"
"Dekha! Sayi baat ekdum dil se nikalti hai. Isliye Congress ko vote do."

I mean, yeah, the government was quite shit, but so much so that the writer for the ad didn't give a fuck while writing the script either. Abey, last question aisa frame karta ke answer "Congress NE" toh hota! But then the only concluding question he must've been able to logically come up with would've been: "Desh walon ko chu kisne banaya?" So, yeah, nice cover up.

And, even though I wouldn't want to be tagged as a "BJP Bhakt" or "AAPtard" or um, "Congress Conman?", but this BJP promotional song is super catchy!

Coming to all the prank calls these radio stations make, ab thoda zyada ho raha hai. Only Rounak as Bauaa is funny (at times). The others with their "filam banana" and all such jazzy names for prank-calling seem just as insincere as "Mr. Computer, freeze it please" after the classic "Computer ji, lock kiya jaaye". So, if these people are listening, please just let one radio station do this. Take turns, if you may.

Also, I don't understand how people don't recognize the Bauaa voice by now. Hell, the guy doesn't even change his name! Either they call a hundred people to look for one who meets the following criteria:

1. Being unaware of who Bauaa is.
2. Having the time to engage in such a discussion.
3. Curses the ma-behens out of the caller and always, ALWAYS, asks Bauaa to take the <Hindi muhavra> up his ass.

Or, this is super scripted. Not like raise-to-the-power-of-something kinda super-scripted, but like really, insanely unhyphenated super scripted.

Moving on, I would like to give a special mention to "Barah se do, maa-behen ka show" for the most creative program title ever! Cracks me up every time I hear it.

Finally, I don't know if I've been ignoring FM Rainbow too much to stumble upon it or it's no longer played on air, but I miss this wayyyyy too much:

"You've got the music coming, night and day,
FM is ready for you,
In the morning or late at night,
Woah! You gotta let the music play!
AIR, FM stereo. All the taaaaaaime. On All India Radio!"

If you haven't heard it in a while too; here, I looked it up online juss4u.

Oooh, also, before I go, you must know that I can't really describe the image of what I think Bauaa would look like in real life. If you have one such image of the character in your head too, throw it my way in the comments; we'll try to match :D


Image Source: inner-nut.com

11 comments:

  1. That was amazing! I feel the same while choosing a radio station! :P
    P.S: I've been to Delhi twice, once when I was too small to remember the trip, and once, about 2 years ago. I must say that Mumbai's 93.5 is so much better! Malishkaaaa! *_* #justsaying XP
    @@@@@

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    1. Radio has never stopped fascinating me, so has your writing. I have run out of praises and don't think mine counts very much either, but this one was a sure entertainer! Honestly I haven't heard Delhi ka radio but will still give Mumbai an onus. With you Hasanthi! Shout out to Malishkaa, and with Pritam making it to the Big Boss finale it gives us some kind of a veto. However, Delhi ho ya Mumbai, no freaking radio channel can avoid "bhule bisre geet" at night making late night drives all the more nostalgic for dear old dads and moms.
      @@@@@

      Delete
    2. Now I want to know what Malishka sounds like! Throw me an audio clip, if available online.
      Also, her name sounds like she must be really hot!

      Delete
  2. I see such ad campaigns a nuisance. "Hello,mein kejriwal bol raha hoon...anna ko dokha..blah blah". I hate when bjp tries to present itself as hip on radio or otherwise. I feel proud not going out to vote on the ink-my-finger day.I wonder if you see all as jokers too,like me?
    I imagined bauaa like a small old drawf,a hobbit if you please who has rediscovered his youth because he is about to get married.My day begins at 4 am and indipop of the 90s playing on radio makes me so nostalgic that i have come to believe it is specially played for me. Radio channels suffer from the problem of plenty,from honey singh to bauaa,with such short attention span,my hand rests constantly on the radio while others get irritated.

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    1. Your day starts at 4! The only other people I know who wake up at 4 to go to work are those at S&P Capital IQ!

      Delete
  3. Who are you going to vote for?

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    Replies
    1. There's a reason they ask you to vote behind a screen.

      Delete
  4. hahah..total my scene...
    i don't know how people haven't got bored of raunak yet...naved's murga rocks for me!!!!
    and seriously these election campaigns are super boring(our indication that its time to change the wretched channel!!)and i totally understand your frustation with 95fm changing to a hindi one(huh)

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    1. I hate Panky aur Ashish! What kind of a frikking name is Panky!

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  5. Did I not comment on this?
    WHY did I not comment on this?

    Better late than never, I guess.

    First of all, I totally get why you cyber-stalk RJ Nitin! I'd do the same if I'd seen/ known him before he got famous like that. (On an irrelevant note, Xavier's Appartments reminded me of X-Men. Idek.)

    Bauaa. I feel like his jokes have become so repetitive it's not even funny any more. And that voice is just. Ugh. I picture Bauaa to look something like Golem, from Lord of the Rings. (Forgive me, Andy Serkis.)

    Might I add, despite all these flaws, I love Dilli ka Radio. I think it's one of those Delhi things that we take for granted until we have to live without them. My sister lives in Chennai, and the one thing she misses the most apart from Delhi food is the FM.

    Rabri highlight of this post has got be, "Not like raise-to-the-power-of-something kinda super-scripted, but like really, insanely unhyphenated super scripted."
    Snort. xD
    Have your jalebis! @@@@@@

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    1. Yaar! The best thing about you is how you pick out a well thought of line that everyone chooses to ignore. Best, bro :D

      Delete

If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D