Saturday, August 15, 2015

Don't be Colon my Heart

While I’m the one who puts a hyphen between my colon and parenthesis, she skips it altogether. I’ve seen her various moods: the closed parenthesis that opens my heart with joy, and the open round bracket that closes all rationale and makes me want to hug her tight to set things right.

It all started with a colon-P, when she answered with a “we’ll see” to my proposal for a coffee. It was confusing, for I could hardly tell if it was her way of telling me to back off, or an expression of possibility. I believed she would show her tongue at the thought of food, in her playful, cute way, like licking her lips to prepare for a sumptuous meal. And, it seemed apt in that context. When I followed it up with a question on what would be a good place to see her, she responded with a colon-@. I kept wondering what she meant by that.

She seemed to be one of those mysterious women, and I was not going to give up on the conversation so easily. I had to be her Sherlock in shining armor, if such a thing existed. Was she teasing me by only revealing a part of her email address? Already chatting with her in real time on Facebook Messenger via my Samsung Galaxy Ace Quadra 2.0, I knew her attempt was quite a waste. Why would I even want her email address? This wasn’t circa Y2K.

I pushed aside my first thought of the colon-@ being a symbol for a young sardar’s patka under her dotted eyes. I could tell she was not the kinky type who would want to blow on someone’s turbaned head. Maybe she had read about giving head, but didn’t know that it wasn’t what she thought it meant. That’s how these girls from Sonepat are.

Tilting my head to the side, trying to make out what such a digital face would look like in the human form, I cracked the code. She had her mouth open wide and her tongue showed. Aha! I could tell that she wanted us to meet not just for a coffee, but for a full meal. To be honest, for a moment, I also thought that she wanted to make out, but I held on to my horses. Or horse, if you know what I mean.

I pursued till her colon-forward slashes turned into colon-D’s, through sleepless nights and tiresome days of talking to her on text. A true disciple of Swami Vivekananda, I knew I had to arise, awake and stop not till the goal is reached. It’s astounding how despite being a bachelor all his life, Swamiji gave the best relationship advice. Ever.

I finally received a colon-asterisk from her yesterday. When I responded with a confession of my love, she told me that I was getting ahead of myself and it was just a friendly gesture. Just a friendly gesture? My room-mate has sneaked pot into our dorm, hiding it in his V-shaped Jockey with a G-string for my birthday. Now that is what we call the epitome of a friendly gesture. But he has never, and I swear, never given me a colon-asterisk as a friendly gesture.

I told her that I wish she gets colon-itis, whatever painful medical condition that may be, that ruthless heartbreaker. While I’m the one who puts a hyphen between my colon and parenthesis, she skips it altogether. Should’ve known that she was either a Sroopnakha or the one who must not be named.


Image Source: whitelotusalpacas.com

13 comments:

  1. Refreshing read indeed...I liked the word play and I hope you move ahead of the colons and get some foreplay (I hope you know what I mean :-P )

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    1. Haha. What do I get ever? You're the playa. Share some tips? :D

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  2. 'She is either Soorpnakha or the one who must not be named.' Buwahahahahaha this made me fall off my chair xD


    Your humour is of another world, totally. Where sir, do you get such rib tickling ideas ? *-*


    With sides still hurting from all the laughter, sending you jalebis and a lot of love,
    Isha.






    :@:@:@:@:@:@



    ^Hope these don't give you colon-itis. :P

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    1. Hi, Isha! Thank you. I'm surprised you found this so funny. Haha. Your jalebi's have eyes! :D

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  3. Bwahahahah!!!!! Just the thought of people actually talking and making those kind of faces in between seems hilarious!
    Amazing stuff this is, and I don't know if '@' is appropriate for jalebi any more. *adds 5 jalebis*

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    1. Hahaha. It's appropriate. I did not mean to associate my jalebi with you know what I mean. My jalebi's are innocent :')

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  4. OMFG! This is hilarious!!! Not too sure if giving jalebis is good now, have these kaju kathlis instead! xP <> <> <> <> <>

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    1. Yay! Kaju katli! Thank you for teaching me how to make another mithai :D

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  5. I am dying. From my fit of laughter.
    You are too good. Coffee? {:P(:P)}

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  6. Stopping by for the first time and I had to try real hard to control my laughter at work! Hilarious this is!:D

    @@@@@

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  7. Read because a friend referred! Smitten by the concept of who puts a hyphen between a colon and parentheses ;) (I don't ;)) .. An interesting read for sure!

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  8. And here goes 4 Jalebis for you - @@@@.. (Can't give you all of them :o)

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If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D