Tuesday, January 26, 2016

WhatsApp with Your Email?

I don’t know when or how in this world did people actually begin mistaking WhatsApp for email. I have no idea about if people in other professions have the same complaint, but as a Chartered Accountant, my greatest nemesis is a chimp with a smartphone in his hands and a dozen financial documents to scan and email to his CA. Till a year ago, my biggest concern was having to explain the difference between financial year and assessment year, but this latest addition tops Buzzfeed’s 101 Things That Get on Your CA’s Nerves.

Let me put this straight. If your CA asks you to send him some information on email, including scanned copies of certain documents, do not act smart by clicking photographs of the said documents using your phone camera and sending them to him on WhatsApp. Here are a few important points to remember.

  • Your phone is smart but you are not 
  • You do not take your HP flatbed scanner on a vacation to click selfies, so please do not assume that your 8 megapixel can do the job of the former
  • Your CA knows the difference between WhatsApp and Email. He did not mean WhatsApp when he said Email. Also, for the newer generation of entrepreneurs, Snapchat ≠ Email.
  • If your CA did not complain the time you sent him that document on WhatsApp, do not take his niceness for granted.
  • Yes, the picture is frikkin' blurry and you are not being considerate by asking me if it’s legible or you should send it again.

To give you some insight to how much effort it takes to sort the documentation you send on WhatsApp:

  1. Receive constant images of pages from passbooks, Form 16’s, tax challans
  2. Curse the sender for being such a twat
  3. Wait for pictures to download
  4. Go to Gallery
  5. Fish through a dozen dick pics, selfies, screenshots and forwards to find your documents
  6. Switch on Bluetooth/Email
  7. Send them to the Computer using Bluetooth or Email (Y’know email? No? Thought so)
  8. Download images on computer
  9. Curse own miserable life of having to deal with over a dozen images of financial documents resting on the sender’s kambal/razaai.
  10. Rotate each image one by one. ONE-BY-ONE!!
  11. Crop and straighten each image one by one. ONE-BY-ONE!!
  12. Brighten images and adjust contrast one by one. ONE-BY-ONE!!
  13. Smack own face for photoshopping bank passbooks while the facebook profile pictures remain ugly.
  14. Sort the page numbering
  15. Convert them all to pdf
  16. Combine them in one pdf file
  17. Receive phone memory low message
  18. Notice that the phone is full of photographs of client documents sent on WhatsApp
  19. Clear all the crap
  20. FU

I know that you may not have a scanner, because it’s okay how a lot of people don’t. But let’s try to look at the alternatives.

  1. Does your office have a scanner? Yes? Well, FU then!
  2. Do you have a smart phone on which you can download this app called CamScanner for free? Ah, you’ve heard of it too! Haha. Flying frig to you then!
  3. Do you have a table near you, a floor, any flat surface other than your razaai that looks like it has greater curves than Sunny Leone? Yeah? Can you place your documents there and click a picture without shaking your hands like you’re jerking off to Tusshar Kapoor with a double-S from Mastizaade?
  4. How many apps does your phone have that enable you to send these images? WhatsApp? Instagram? Email? Snapchat? And for sending your CA a bunch of financial documents, which can bring various tax and statutory implications, you use the app that you also use to send selfies to other miserable frigs that comprise your social circle?

Also, just what exactly do you use email for? Miserable matches from Shaadi dot com? Thought so. Well, thank you and FU.

Image Source: uproxx.files.wordpress.com

8 comments:

  1. @@@@@
    Anyways my phone scanner is any day better than a traditional scanner that scans scanner equivalent images.. But one needs to be really skilled at scanning images from phone... Not everyone should be allowed to use a phone scanner...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Replies
    1. *shoves all in the mouth*

      P.S. That's what she said

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. *gulps it all down*

      P.S. That's what she said

      Delete
  4. you can't change the behaviour of retarded and inconsiderate people like your clients but you can use whatsapp web- it is very easy to use - that way you can save the files directly to the computer. check out this link https://www.whatsapp.com/faq/en/web/28080003. i'd also like to share that i feel low typically once a month and then i read your blog (2 new posts + re read a few of my favourites like pairipauna guideline, writing a punjabi song, grandmother's stories). This is the only blog i've ever read which i came back to read again. I guess that's because I can relate to it being a north indian specifically punjabi. thank you for keeping the blog funny and not adding silly poetry or dard bhari kahaniyaan and advertisments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Puneet. Thanks, Puneet :)

      I use WhatsApp Web too. It's come as such a savior.

      And just to set the record straight, I don't hate my clients at all. They're the best in the world, love them so much, awesomesauce finances, etc. Puchi's to them.

      Delete

If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D