Friday, October 14, 2016

Call for Reviewing a Consulting Resume

Placement season has kicked-off at our B-school in its full glory, and our good friend from the on-campus cafe finally fell prey to the FOMO. He's designed a resume for consulting opportunities and would love it if you could help him improve on it with your extremely valuable feedback.

The primary suggestion from his last review was: "You have a lot of meat on your resume, which is not coming out. Also, thoda aur quantify karo!"


Mukhdev Singh, Mukh-e


Harcourt Butler Sr. Secondary Boys’ School
AISSCE - CBSE Examination | Major: Commerce (2012 – 2013)

Elected President – Student Association of Conflict Management, Class of 2013
- Led a team of 15+ handpicked student body representatives to successfully resolve ~32 inter-school conflicts through use of group negotiation tactics such as power of threat and displaying unparalleled physical capabilities
- Decreased conflict resolution time by over 50% through avoidance of third-party interference by assigning 3 neutral venues for on-ground resolution

Mentored 350+ students on biological reproductive functions through graphical representations at breeding grounds for STDs such as public bathrooms, thus contributing to health education and gender sensitization

Provided pro-bono consulting to ~8 small scale entrepreneurs within 2 km radius of the school on expansion of product portfolio from only tobacco products to goods that would meet the changing needs of the ageing target customer segment


ChuChu’s Cafe | Manager – Nocturnal Operations and Client Relationship Management (Apr, 2014 – Present)

Strategy & Operations Management
- Increased carbohydrates retention rate by 2X in 70+ customers through facilitating consistently growing nocturnal sales over a period of 10 months

- Reduced lead time of order delivery by 50% through implementation of a pilot program requiring customer and delivery executive to meet at product delivery stations designated at the mid-points of 3 delivery routes

- Saved lives of 260+ poultry members through implementing of a post 3 am customer denial strategy, consequently promoting consumption of vegetarian products and furthering the organization’s green initiative

- Instituted a manual assembly chain capable of handling 5 orders per capita every 10 minutes, thereby saving INR 1 Million in avoided capital investment in mechanized technology

- Changed sugar to mocktail syrup ratio from 0.5:1.5 to 1:1 thereby saving annual direct material costs by INR 0.1 Million

Marketing & Brand Development
- Repackaged existing products as bundled offerings, marketed during sporting events with team-based branding to extract a price premium of 100%

- Improved customer perception of indigenous items such as ‘Rajma Chawal’ by rebranding them as ‘Mexican Chipotle Rice’ with minimal change in ingredients, thereby capturing ~35% of a 5-star competitor’s target customers on each day of implementation

- Designed and executed an ‘Exam Time Breakfast Campaign’ 14 times p.a. to increase breakfast revenues by 3X by capitalizing on customer vulnerabilities

- Offered only 2 games for play while displaying empty boxes of 15+ board games in a locked cabinet, thus increasing youth-appeal of the brand while saving annual costs of INR 0.05 Million

- Improved customer relations by ‘liking’ 100% posts of ~85% customers on social media in line with the personal relationship building mission statement of the organization leading to increased customer loyalty translating into top-line contribution of over INR 2.5 Million p.a. 


- Published Whitepapers: Authored a whitepaper on orders delivered in a day, published in the order manual of the organization, forming the benchmark for accounting across various retail outlets of the company

- Participated in 600+ street plays across 3 cities, creating social awareness about incestuous tendencies among peers, vocalizing them openly to sensitize the local population about this widespread social evil

- Considered best player out of ~1200 males across age groups in the tri-city of Chandigarh, Mohali and Panchkula in a self-conducted primary research that rated participants on charm and ability to engage and influence members of the opposite gender, thus contributing towards gender equity through generating benefits for all genders  


Please remember that this is a humor blog and has no resemblance to any person, living or dead.

Our actual on-campus all-night cafe attendant, Sukh-e, is an absolute sweetheart and possibly the favorite of ~89% people on campus, including those who have their significant others in close proximity for this one year. The remaining 11% are those who don't get out of their rooms and have probably never seen the light of the day. Sukh-e's picture has been used with his permission.

Also, I must add that this man is one of the most loved people on the ISB campus and everyone from the PGP Class of 2016 and 2017 can vouch for the dedication with which he serves us all and performs his duties, always with an endearing smile :)

Sukh-e, count this as your belated birthday gift. We love you! "To the moon and back." Or any other such idiom that girls on my facebook feed or our Operations Director - GSB Core, Co 2017 use on the PGP WhatsApp group to express their love.


Credit must also be given to Anand MS who came up with the idea of working on such a document during a 3 am conversation this morning. This guy is one of the wittiest figs on this campus, along with apartment mate extraordinaire for the year, Aravindh Kamakshinadha. These pseudo-elite TamBrahms, I tell you!


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If you had 5 Jalebis, how many would you give me for writing this post?

None = You don't deserve any >:O
@ = Soggy and stale! :(
@@ = Stale! :|
@@@ = I'll need a samosa to digest this with! :P
@@@@ = Sweet and Crisp! :)
@@@@@ = I'm opening you a Halwai Shop! :D